Ep #19: 3 Ways to Slow Down Taking On Emotional Responsibility for Your Coaching Client

Have you ever felt overly responsible for your clients emotions and found yourself getting hooked into their money drama? If that's ever happened to you, then you know how uncomfortable it can feel. The good news is there is a key secret to showing up powerfully for your coaching clients so that you can deliver exceptional coaching, get the results your clients want, and without you getting hooked into their drama in the process.

I'm Kendall. Tune in this week to discover three keys to avoiding being the one who overtakes responsibility for your clients. This is how you avoid burnout and feeling emotionally depleted from coaching. Because when done right, coaching clients, even through emotionally charged situations like money, can leave you feeling inspired and fired up about your coaching.

I'm also going to demonstrate a simple coaching question sequence for you that you are welcome to use with your next client. It's all here for you in this episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. Let's dive in.

Welcome to The Money Coach School Podcast. To really excel at coaching women, you have to be skilled, confident, and even fearless at money coaching. If you're passionate about women holding genuine money power and love supporting women entrepreneurs, then this is the show for you. Now, here's your host, money feminist Kendall SummerHawk.

Hello, beautiful coaches. I am so glad that you are here with me today. I have a great episode for you. I actually hope that they're all great episodes. I want to switch gears a bit with this episode. One of the main motivations for me in creating this podcast for you is to, yes give you training and tools and coaching and insights on shifting your relationship with money.

But the podcast is also here to support you in being the very best coach, and to keep evolving your coaching skills to that next higher level. I think this is so, so important. It's something that is often underdiscussed in the coaching space. The fact is that to really excel in your coaching business, you need to be incredible at the skill of coaching. Excellence and mastery are part of my top values as a human being. So, naturally, geeking out on coaching skills, it really fires me up.

I decided early, early in my coaching business, way before I was making seven figures, to be incredible at the art of coaching, and it worked. Knowing that I could deliver exceptional coaching, it gave me that edge. It gave me that confidence that attracted clients over and over into my one on one and then into all of the different coaching groups that I've run over the years.

Now being absolutely one of the best coaches is what captures attention for students to enroll in our certification trainings because we attract women who, like me, care deeply about delivering exceptionally great coaching.

Because I'm all about encouraging and supporting you to coach women entrepreneurs, I especially believe in the value of you being highly skilled and competent in coaching your clients on money. Because money is going to come up for your clients, whether it's coming up as it directly relates to their business, or as it relates to their personal life. If you're coaching women entrepreneurs, there is no way that you can sidestep coaching on money.

Even if you're coaching other types of people and listening to this podcast, you're still not going to sidestep coaching on money. Money is such a huge part of everyone's life, their relationships, their decision making their self-concept. Money is a thread that runs through every aspect of your life and your coaching business, and it runs through the life and businesses of your clients.

So today, I want to open up the conversation as to how you coach on money without taking on responsibility for your clients. Now, why am I bringing up this topic? Because I often hear from our coach certification students that many of you slip into feeling overly responsible for your client and the situation that they may be finding themselves in.

Listen, I get that entirely. I used to do that too because I'm someone who can easily feel responsible for everything and everyone. I think that comes just with the territory of being highly empathetic and highly empathic. Maybe it's also because I'm the firstborn, right? I definitely think it comes from a deeply held desire to help people, to be of service, to help make a pathway easier for someone to walk down. But whatever the reason is, I had to learn how to be there for my clients and to show up powerfully as a coach and to really care without becoming responsible for their journey.

Now in my coach certification trainings, I have a concept called passionate detachment that I refer to all of the time. It's the ability to care deeply, that's the passionate part, and yet to not become involved or hooked into a client's story. That's the detachment part. Passionate detachment.

So the skill of passionate detachment is how you can coach one on one and in groups, and you can lead trainings. You can do all the things that you want in your business without getting burned out. Because you're not taking on the cares and the woes and the situations for someone. You're there to coach. You're there to listen. You're there to ask questions that create a new perspective. You're there to support a client in seeing new options for themselves. You're not doing it for them. You're coaching with them.

So today, I want to show you how to do that using a very common situation that often comes up for clients. That is when they find themselves in the circumstance of saying to you I need to make more money. This is such a great situation because if you're not intentional and mindful, you can easily get hooked or triggered by your clients story and start taking on all of the responsibility for solving that situation for them. Which I'm here to tell you, you can't do.

So let's explore what you can do instead so that you can stay strong in your coaching. You show up powerfully as a coach. As a result, your client solves for their current situation in a new and powerful way. So let's say your client comes to a coaching session sounding a little panicky about money. Okay, maybe more than just a little panicky.

You can hear by the words that they're using that they're feeling scarcity because they're saying things like, “I need to make money, or I'm not making enough money.” You may even sense a note of desperation in their voices, and their whole vibe has that oh my god quality to it.

So what can you do to stay grounded and centered in your coaching strengths? What can you do to not get hooked or even triggered by their situation? How do you want to coach your clients so they step back into their power and solve for this from a clear, empowered way? I'm going to give you three keys.

So key number one, do not get hooked into their story. You are not a character in their story. You are outside of their story. Your goal for your client is to coach her back into her place of power and into a resourceful state. Your goal for yourself is to hold her as powerful with fierce love and with an unwavering belief in her abilities and options. By her, I mean your client.

So what does this do for you? It keeps you from getting hooked into feeling responsible for her financial situation, or feeling obligated to solve it for her. So what you're not doing is saying things like oh, that's terrible, or yikes, or oh my gosh. Like you're not having those kinds of reactions. That's not coaching. You're also not going to invalidate what she's experiencing in this moment. Because nobody wants to feel invalidated.

But how you support your client in feeling heard and understood without buying into her story of panic and fear, that's what's key. You can validate your client with a simple statement that does not mean you're also going to jump into that fire with them. For example, you can validate by saying something as simple like cycles like these do happen. Absolutely. But I have unwavering absolute faith and confidence in you. I'm really glad we're coaching here together.

So if you're ready, take a deep breath. I want you to exhale, let it all the way out. We're going to roll up our shirt sleeves here. We're going to start coaching to solve this for you. Okay, that's it. This is letting her know you're here as her coach. You believe in her. You are her champion, and it lets her know you have her back. But it does not put you on the hook for having any specific solutions.

All right, number two, get the facts. When a client says I'm not making enough money, definitely a rookie coaching mistake is to take that statement as fact and to start to panic yourself because you have no idea what to ask or how to help her.

But here's the deal, saying I'm not making enough money is actually not even a statement. It's more like a cover up for an emotion. That's how I look at it. I'm here to tell you, I have coached thousands and thousands and thousands of women on money. I can tell you every time there are facts underneath that statement that once you know them are the key to opening the door to a new perspective, new decisions, and new ideas that your client hasn't yet tapped into.

So as her coach, your role is to start asking questions to create a different perspective, and to start pulling apart that story that she's been telling herself. That story that's causing all that panic for her. Now, what I'm about to say next is so important because it's going to keep you from getting triggered into feeling impostor syndrome or feeling inadequate or feeling overly responsible in any way. Here it is.

You do not need to know anything about her business to coach her to solve for her money situation. You do not need to be a Facebook ads person, a marketing guru, or an influencer to coach her to solve for this. You do not need to have years of experience in business under your belt. You just need to be a coach.

What that looks like for me is, initially, I like to take a really practical approach. I like to get the numbers. Because so often the clients emotions are completely hijacking the facts. So, for example, I like to ask how much have you created this month? If you notice, I switch from made. I don't see how much have you made this month. I switch it to created or brought in because it has a little bit more energy, and it has a little more specificity, but it also has this energy of possibility even though you're talking about something that's already happened, I just like it better. So how much have you created this month?

Then I like to dig into a little bit of healthy comparison so I can better understand the lay of the land. So I get that number, whatever number they've said. Then next I'll usually ask how much did you have come in last month? Then I'll ask how much have you had come in year to date? Something like that. Maybe I'll ask how much have you had come in over the last six months.

I love these questions because you're going to gain so much information and perspective. So, for example, maybe your client says she's brought in $8,000 this month, and that she brought in $12,000 last month. Year to date, she's brought in $93,000. So I can quickly do the math, and I can see that that's an average, I take $93,000 averaged over the number of months it is. Let's say it's 10 months. I can see that it's an average of $9,300 per month.

Which means next I am going to reflect this back for her in a way that paints a very different picture. Not a picture of panic. So for example, I'm going to say so you're averaging $9,300 per month, and this month is a little less than that by about 14%. So tell me, where is this feeling of scarcity coming from?

So I want to remind you, my beautiful listener, that your initial goal for your client is to coach her back into her place of power and into a resourceful state. Giving her this perspective is one simple, quick way of doing that. I know you love even more examples.

So I want to model this for you with a client who is routinely making more money. So, for example, a client who's making $50,000 a month for the first time, she's going to feel incredible, right? That's a huge, huge accomplishment. But a client routinely making $50,000 months can be in a place of lack or scarcity because they're not, quote unquote, making more. So how can you reflect this back for her that paints a different picture in a way that supports her in finding her way back into her place of power and resourcefulness?

So, for example, you can say so you're consistently making 50,000 a month, which puts you like in the top 10% of all entrepreneurs. So tell me, where is this feeling of scarcity coming from? This is what I love so much about money coaching. It's never about the numbers. It's never about the numbers.

All right, so number three, trust your coaching. Trusting your coaching means that you can release trying to be the one responsible for coming up with any or all solutions. That's just not your role as a coach, even as a money coach, even as a business coach. Your role is to hold that vision for your client that there is a solution that is going to be perfect for her. You don't know what it is yet.

You don't need to know what it is yet. That's totally okay. You're trusting your coaching that the solution will unfold through your coaching. It doesn't take a lot of time or effort on your part to have that happen for your client.

So picking back up on the thread of this example, once you have her numbers and you've reframed a little bit for her, there are so many more coaching questions that you can ask. You can ask when you think about this month compared to higher earning months over the past year, what's changed? What you're listening for our external circumstances versus being internally powerful. So if you're hearing external circumstances being blamed, that tells you that your client is not feeling in control. It tells you that she's giving away her power.

So, for example, you can then respond with something like this. You can say I get that those things happened, and I also know that you are strong, you are capable, and you also sound like you're ready to make a new empowered choice for yourself. I'm guessing you want to do that starting right now. Then you just pause, and you see how that lands.

You can also ask to look at when she had higher earning months and ask what was working then. Is that still being done in your business today? What you're listening for there are where things maybe were falling through the cracks, or having started falling through the cracks, or stopped being done.

Examples of other questions that you can ask are what options are there? If you notice, it's what options are there. It's not what options do you have. Because what options do you have has an implication that there may not be any options there. It has kind of a vibe of being limiting. What options are there is much more open ended, and it's going to send her brain into searching for options.

Another example, instead of saying something like could you run a sale, which is giving a suggestion. Not great coaching, by the way. That suddenly puts the burden of brainstorming and coming up with solutions on you. That's not what you want. So instead, you can say let's brainstorm together at least five different options. Then you can start that brainstorming together.

You could say in our brainstorming list, that could include running a sale, following up with leads from past six months, from past clients. What's a quick and easy offer? What's an upsell you can offer to existing clients? So you have some things you can add to that brainstorming list, but don't be the one to list them all at once. Brainstorm with the client. She knows her business better than you ever will. The point here is it's not on you.

So two more questions that I love are what opportunity does this experience open up for you? I love that question so much. And he question what decision have you been putting off? I love these questions because they're open ended, they create possibilities, they assume there's a bigger opportunity here. They open up the context for something incredible to happen as a result of your client initially thinking she just needs to make some more money. Because there's so much more opportunity than just that. Right?

So three tips to wrap up here. Tip number one, keep your voice caring, interested, and supportive. This is easily done when you're not getting caught up in your client’s drama. Tip number two, let the numbers tell the story. I always say numbers always tell the story. Ask questions to get the facts. This is how you do that. This is how you let the numbers tell the story.

Then you, as the coach, can use those numbers to offer a different perspective and to put this particular situation into perspective for your client. You don't have to be a money expert. You don't have to be a financial guru. You don't have to be an expert in her field. It's not important, not necessary, absolutely not needed.

That brings me to tip number three, coach to uncover opportunities and options because they are there. You, as the coach, are the one who is highly skilled and masterful at uncovering them simply by coaching. For me, this is the real beauty and gift of coaching women entrepreneurs. I absolutely love it. You don't have to be a business expert. You don't have to be a money expert or some kind of financial guru. You just have to be incredible at the art of coaching, and specifically incredible at the art of coaching in the context of money, in the context of business. Really, it's about coaching the whole woman.

Now if you want me to teach you how to coach like this, be sure to check out my Money Breakthrough Business Coach certified coach training. You can check that out at certifiedcoach.training. I'll also put the link in the show notes. Because coaching women entrepreneurs, it is absolutely hands down the number one best niche on the planet if you care about women, women's empowerment, and if you want to make money as a coach.

All right, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I love bringing some coaching skills training for you. Watch for more, or I should say listen, since we're on a podcast, listen for more. I have lots more coming for you. Thank you for listening. I'm excited to connect with you again next week in our next episode.

Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, make sure you follow so you never miss an episode. Also, I would so love and appreciate if you would leave a 5-star review. Your review supports women just like you in discovering all of the juicy tips and insights I’m sharing here on how to coach women on money.

And if you want to learn how to excel at coaching women on money, definitely go to KendallSummerHawk.com and check out the wealth of money coach trainings that we have for you. Thanks so much for being part of this money coaching movement and for tuning into the show every week.