Ep #87: Why Great Coaching Isn't Just Talking—It's Identity Shifting

Hey, coach. When you know how to shift a client's identity or self-concept inside your coaching sessions, everything changes: her decisions, her confidence, her results. And that's what makes you the coach she never forgets and always refers. I'm Kendall. In this episode, we're talking about why great coaching isn't just talking; it's identity shifting.

And I'm going to give you a little tough love on what coaching isn't, a glimpse into what real coaching looks like, and five powerful ways to integrate identity shifting into your sessions, starting today. Plus, of course, I've got plenty of example coaching questions for you. It's all here for you in this episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. Let's dive in.

Welcome to The Money Coach School Podcast. To really excel at coaching women, you have to be skilled, confident, and even fearless at money coaching. If you're passionate about women holding genuine money power and love supporting women entrepreneurs, then this is the show for you. Now, here's your host, money feminist Kendall SummerHawk. 

Hey, beautiful coach. Welcome back to The Money Coach School Podcast. Today, we are talking about one of the key distinctions that separates powerful, high-impact, and well-paid coaches from being just a well-meaning conversationalist. That's not what you want to be. We're talking about why great coaching isn't just talking. It's identity shifting.

And I think this is such an underutilized coaching skill and often can seem like a 'check, got it, did that' thing that maybe you touch on once or just once in a while in your coaching. But I want you to hear this: Identity coaching is so impactful, so powerful, that if you're not weaving identity work into nearly every session—whether it's one-on-one, group, it doesn't matter—you risk your coaching feeling surface-level and a little light on the kind of deeply transformational shifts that a client needs to experience in order to effectively uplevel who she is and for her to achieve the results that she wants as a result of coaching with you.

I'm going to give you a little tough love here on what coaching isn't. I'm going to give you a glimpse into what real coaching looks like. And I have five powerful ways for you to integrate identity shifting into your coaching sessions, starting today. Plus, I've got plenty of example coaching questions that you'll want to write down.

So, before we dive in, a quick heads-up: I am teaching a brand-new free training called 'How to Empower Women Through Coaching.' It's happening May 21st at 2:00 p.m. Eastern. And yes, there will be a replay, and I will put the link in the show notes below this episode. I'm going to be going deep into how to coach women with structure, soul, and achieve the kind of results that ripple throughout your clients' lives and businesses because my main focus, as you probably know, is coaching women entrepreneurs.

So, if you're craving a clear coaching method that makes you referable, respected, and well-paid (hey, all the good things, right?), be there for this free training. And if you're listening to this past that May 21st date, click on the link anyway, because it will either take you to the replay or to some other type of coach training that I have for you that you can use.

All right. So, here's the tough love: Talking isn't coaching. Now, we're starting here because so many coaches think they're coaching when really, they're just talking. Yes, being present. Yes, actively listening. And yes, asking a few surface-level questions. And usually ending with something like, 'So, what do you want to do about that?'

Now, if you recognize yourself at all in that, then I'm glad you're here with me because, while this is a bit of tough love, it's exactly what will catapult your coaching out of the ordinary and unmemorable into the referable and unforgettable. So yes, while listening and presence is powerful, it's just not enough. Your clients don't need more conversation; they need coaching. And if your sessions aren't helping your clients change how they see themselves, I would strongly consider that the coaching isn't really landing.

The sessions might feel good in the moment, but there's no real shift in self-concept, no bold decisions, no ripple effect in your client's life or business. And that's not coaching; that's chatting. So, something else about why it's imperative that your coaching actually is coaching and not just conversation, is regarding trust.

Now, I did a whole episode, Episode #81, about the trust deficit being experienced by many coaches. And I talked in that episode about why trust is the foundation of a thriving coaching business, how mastering your coaching skills creates an unbeatable bank of trust with both current and new clients, and I shared practical insights into deepening your expertise so clients feel safe, they feel seen, and they are ready to invest. So, if you have not listened to that episode, I highly recommend you do so right after this one. It's Episode #81. Because it's going to give you practical ways to create and maintain trust, which leads to signing on clients and retaining clients longer.

All right. So next, let's take a glimpse here at what real coaching looks like. Real coaching moves a client from being stuck in a story, or spinning, or cycling—repeating a story—to seeing herself as the woman who can create a new result. It's as simple as that: to seeing herself as the woman who can create a new result. So, write that down. Real coaching helps her rewire beliefs, make aligned decisions, and take action—not from pressure, but from a newfound place of accessing her innate power. And this kind of coaching is structured, not scripted. It's deep; it's not dramatic. It's feminine, intuitive, and results-oriented.

And that kind of coaching is what makes clients stay, re-sign, and refer. Not just because they like you, but because they see and feel what's changing in themselves. So, for example, let's say a client comes in saying, 'I really want to set an income goal, but I'm afraid I won't hit it.' Super common issue with women entrepreneurs, right? So, unskilled coaching might try to simply reframe or reassure her. And while reframing and reassurance are certainly part of your coaching skills, they are not your go-to. They're not identity shifting. And identity shifting is what's going to inspire, motivate, galvanize your client to create a breakthrough.

So, compare that surface-level coaching to courageous coaching, which doesn't waste time and immediately goes deeper. So, she says, 'I really want to set an income goal, but I'm afraid I won't hit it.' And you're diving in right away with questions like: 'What would hitting that income goal say about you?' 'If not hitting your income goal wasn't an option, what would you believe instead?' 'What does this goal say about who you're becoming?' You see, this is in the realm of identity-level coaching, and that's what gets you remembered, referred, and paid.

So, are you ready to make this even more tangible? So, let's cover five practical ways that you can help your clients shift their identity, which is what makes your coaching immensely valuable, memorable, and referable.

Number one: Coach the identity, not just the goal. So, in other words, in this example, you don't just coach the goal. Instead, you ask, 'Who do you believe you are in relation to this, in relation to this goal?' Or, 'Tell me about the woman who achieves that goal.' When you coach her on self-concept like this, everything changes, and everything gets easier.

Number two: Interrupt with emotion. Ask things like, 'Who taught you that?' or, 'What version of you does this serve?' Now, these questions challenge her current identity, definitely. They are challenging questions, and they invite exploring and expanding how she thinks of herself. Questions like these also help her to really witness outdated thought patterns that don't align with who she wants to become.

Number three: Normalize her expansion. So, reassurance in the form of soothing is not often very useful. But reassurance in the form of normalizing creates acceptance and safety for your client to step into this new era that she desires. So, for example, in the same situation, you can say, 'You're between identities right now. And yes, that can feel a little shaky or a little wobbly.' So, by normalizing the discomfort of expansion, you help her feel safe in that liminal space so she doesn't retreat or backpedal from the growth that she actually craves.

Number four: Anchor the new identity with future-based evidence, experience. So, helping her act from that identity today is a powerful way to go, and it collapses time around where she is and where she wants to be. So that timeframe there gets collapsed. It gets shortened; it gets accelerated. So, for example, you can ask, 'Take a moment to feel into being the version of you who already has this goal.' 'As her, what do you believe?' 'As her, what do you tell yourself?' 'As her, what is a decision you make?'

And then number five: Close your sessions with identity language. So, closing out your coaching sessions with reflections that reflect her becoming this new identity helps it really land emotionally. For example, even simple statements like, 'This is what a powerful woman does and who a powerful woman is.' Now, I'm using 'powerful' in this example, but what would be even better and more powerful is to use the identity you've coached her to identify and name in your session. That is the best language to use. So, the example I gave you here is a little generic. And if you're using her specific identity, it's going to be so much more powerful for her, and it's going to feel like the sweetest music landing in her heart and through her ears. It's going to be amazing for her to hear you say that.

All right. So, identity coaching is at the heart of my own coaching brilliance. It's why my clients create change for themselves so rapidly and why they feel incredible about who they are. And it's what I teach how to do in detail inside of our Courageous Coaching certification. Because here's the part most coaches miss: You don't need more content, more freebies, another funnel. You need to become masterful at coaching. Because when your sessions work, when they land, you don't chase, you don't over-prove. You don't need to convince anyone. Instead, you show up, you deliver results, and your business grows through clients who stay coaching with you longer and who refer other amazing dream clients to you.

Now, this is the ripple effect of a sustainable coaching business. And let me tell you, the ripple effect is real. Not only for you but for your clients, and you are the start of that ripple. Take that in for a moment. You are the start of that ripple because one powerful coaching session can entirely change how a woman leads, how she earns, and how she lives. And that's why we coach, right? That's the love and the gift of coaching.

So, if you've been feeling like you're meant for more—and that means more impact, more money, and more integrity in your coaching—then I definitely want to see you inside the free training, 'How to Empower Women Through Coaching.' Tuesday, May 21st, 2:00 p.m. Eastern. You can click on that link in the show notes to register and certainly get the replay.

All right. So, to wrap up here, you are not here just to be another coach. You're here to become the coach women seek out: trusted, skilled, and well-paid. And it all starts with how you coach—whether it's one-on-one, in groups, one-day intensives, workshops, or retreats, it doesn't matter. Great coaching, masterful coaching, is great coaching no matter what the format is.

All right. So, real quick, if you could do me a big favor, I would so appreciate it. If you could leave a five-star review on Apple, oh my gosh, that would mean the world to me. That really helps, more than you might know. It really helps get the show in front of other women like you: soulful, ambitious, with a deep love and desire to support other women. So, if you could do that, thank you. Thank you so much. And I will see you here in next week's episode. Take care.

Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, make sure you follow so you never miss an episode. Also, I would so love and appreciate if you would leave a 5-star review. Your review supports women just like you in discovering all of the juicy tips and insights I’m sharing here on how to coach women on money.

And if you want to learn how to excel at coaching women on money, definitely go to KendallSummerHawk.com and check out the wealth of money coach trainings that we have for you. Thanks so much for being part of this money coaching movement and for tuning into the show every week.